sake delirium

简单爱的符咒

2007-08-05T00:30:00.000-07:00

信不信由你: 古老的符咒--令人愛上你...
　　
　　一天，男孩和女孩吵架了。他不再對她說“我愛你“，當然她也不再對他說 “我也是"。一天晚上，他們談到了分手的事，背對背睡下了。半夜，天上打雷了。第一聲雷響時，他醒了，下意識地猛地用雙手去捂她的耳朵，才發現不知何時他又擁著她。雷聲緊接著炸假裝什麼也沒發生，可誰都沒有睡著她想也許他還愛我，生怕我受一點點嚇。他想，也許她還愛我，不然她不會流淚的。愛的最高境界是經得起平淡的流年。世界上最美的木乃伊,這是一個古老的符咒，請在收到次消息後發給三個論壇。等發完後看看三天內就能得到心愛的人。

A cool song

2007-06-24T00:30:00.000-07:00

Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H Bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, The King And I, and The Catcher In The Rye

Eisenhower, Vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
Well, we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
Well, we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge On The River Kwai

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California Baseball,
Starkwether, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go

U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
Well, we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Hemingway, Eichmann, Stranger in a Strange Land,
Dylan, Berlin, Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia, British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X, British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away, what else do I have to say

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
Well, we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock

Begin, Reagan, Palestine, Terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless Vets, AIDS, Crack, Bernie Goetz

Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and Roller cola wars, I can't take it anymore

We didn't start the fire
It was always burning since the world's been turning.
We didn't start the fire
But when we are gone
It will still burn on, and on, and on, and on...

Someone has spoken, at last!

2007-04-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

Here is an article from New York Times OpEd. Finally, somebody has spoken out.
April 19, 2007
Editorial
The Silence of Politicians

There are myriad questions from the evolving tragedy at Virginia Tech. One is how such a gravely disturbed student as this killer could raise heightened concern among the authorities over a year ago, yet manage to proceed unhindered to take 32 lives. But no less pertinent is the question of how, after detailed tracking of the guns purchased for the ghastly spree, the lethal empowerment of such a troubled individual can somehow be pronounced entirely legal under the laws of a civilized nation.

But it certainly seems legal.

The guns wielded by Cho Seung-Hui were traced through the laissez-faire weapons marts of Virginia and found to be legitimately obtained. So, case closed. At least according to most of the nation’s political leadership, so studiously ducking the morning-after question of whether anything serious can be done, or least proposed, about such an appalling situation. The victims at Virginia Tech represent a mere tenth of 1 percent of the 30,000 gunshot deaths each year.

Yet the implicit, hardly sorrow-free lesson for the nation is that beyond the usual calls for prayers and closure, there’s no sense these days for a politician, particularly one running for president, to get into the risky business of even talking about the runaway gun problem.

No one who tracked the last headline-consuming gun tragedies — the Columbine high school massacre and the Washington, D.C., sniper murders — can be surprised as political leaders slide off their obligation to propose answers, or at least candidly discuss the woeful status quo of gun violence.

After those two sprees, possible remedies were proposed. But none were passed as the gun lobby cracked its whip in Washington. The most that happened were delays in the passage of an egregious proposal, signed a safe time afterward by President Bush, that brazenly denied gunshot victims and plagued cities the right to sue the gun industry for negligence.

Politicians should at least have the guts to tell the nation that retrogression is the state of gun control in America. But Congress’s new Democratic majority is a study in caginess, its leaders obviously mindful of the warning — issued by Terry McAuliffe, the former party chairman who is now a principal in Senator Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign — to avoid the subject as a third-rail loser. The question in the ’08 campaign is whether major candidates will dare to speak of Virginia Tech as anything more than an occasion to express grief (emphasis added).

V Tech Shooting

2007-04-17T17:28:00.000-07:00

As word got around that the killer at Virginia Tech was an Asian man, all Asians in America like us must have been praying that the guy wasn't someone from their own country of origin. There was rumor that the guy was a student from Shanghai, who entered the US on an F1 visa. My intuitive response to the allegation was that it must not be true. As soon as the shooter was positively identified by the police as a South Korean national, the Chinese community (including me) seemed to have been relieved. My intuition has been proven sound, or has it?

Why couldn't a Chinese or Chinese American commit a mass murder? Why couldn't a Shanghainese man suddenly snap and become a cold-blooded killer? Should the Chinese feel relieved about the killing being not a Chinese but a Korean? Can the part of American society who are less savvy about international geography and politics distinguish a Korean from a Chinese? I can't tell the difference between a French and a German just from their looks. To the white American community, the killer has an Asian face, and he looks Asian (just like every Chinese), not Korean. Why should we feel so happy about his not being Chinese or of Chinese descent?

Why should we make a big deal about the killer's racial identity? A white lunatic can take out a whole class of students. What was so odd about a troubled Asian doing the same thing (or copycatting the whole thing)? Certainly, this incident greatly shattered (or confirmed?) the stereotype about Asians in this country, but there can be a bunch of such self-centered, desperate, and violence-prone people (I'd refrain from calling them perverts, because there is always a reason,social or personal, behind their madness) in every society and of every nationality.

If we have to address the racial issues involved in the massacre, let's talk about the first-generation immigrant experience in this country, the hardships they have to endure, and the cultural battle within the immigrant family. Let's not be afraid to renew the debate on gun control. Contrary to what Bush said about finding a later time for policy debate, there's no better time than this to tackle the gun control issue head-on. It is unmistakable how guns has magnified the damage of malicious individual actions. There was a university student in China who killed his four roommates with an ax and hid their bodies in the closet. If he had swung his ax on the students in the classrooms, he wouldn't have been able to kill or injure more than a few before being stopped (or just getting exhausted.) I believe the lesson is loud and clear. It may be impossible to eradicate crimes (and as difficult to provide counseling for every troubled person), but we're definitely able to control the impact of irresponsible individual behaviors by doing away with guns.

Gun manufacturers and their congressional supporters have already had too much blood on their hands.

春晚为什么成为了“鸡肋”？

2007-02-19T11:12:00.000-08:00

我和Hong昨天讨论为什么春晚年年办，年年骂，年年还办。得到的结论是春晚是大而全的计划体制下的遗产。现代商业社会娱乐都倾向有target audience。而春晚想target所以的audience,所以往往不成功。武林外传所以成功是因为它明确的定位了自己的观众范围。年青人喜欢看的，上一辈人可能不喜欢， vice versa.
之所以春晚还在办，不仅是因为一种习惯，而且是需要，是老一辈人的需要，是党中央的需要。等80年代的人到了不惑之年的时候，而老一辈人慢慢消失的时候，春晚either可能就消失了，或者变成一种更有target audience 的晚会了。
我还是喜欢有个春晚的春节，虽然我希望小S和蔡康永来主持，由周杰伦主唱开场，要有金城武之类的衰锅伴舞，宁财神写都市小品剧本，贾章柯写农村、市井题材，煽情就由王家卫来导吧，老谋子可以来个波涛汹涌，也是会有看头的。
过年没年气，幻想一下最佳春晚。不知道我们下一辈人又会喜欢怎样的春晚，但愿我四五十岁时还能融入他们的潮流中去。
以下转自文学城，好像是南方都市报上登的，作者分析的更加透彻： http://news.wenxuecity.com/messages/200702/news-gb2312-367239.html
春晚走向衰落　体现中国的变迁(图) 南方都市报

这些年来，每年年关前后，媒体、网路上都充斥了对春晚的各种批评。除了对春晚本身进行艺术层面、形式、内容的文化批评外，还可就批评本身进行一种社会分析与研究。哈佛大学费正清东亚研究中心访问学者任意今日在《南方都市报》撰文指出，把春晚放到中国社会大环境这个语境中来，中国是一个转型经济，社会、人民群众的个体，都在经历着巨大的变迁与冲突，春晚的题材、内容，人们对春晚的反馈，无不反映社会的变迁与发展。

　　文章说，理想上的春晚，大概是这样的：每到大年三十，来自全国各地各族人民的各个年龄层的男女老少都坐在一起，同步收看这个电视节目。这是全国人民同一时间做的一件事。是全国人民团结一致齐心协力做的一件事。随着中国社会在今天的变迁，这样一种模式也会变得越来越困难。

　　首先，中国是一个日益分化、趋向多元、多极的社会。改革进行了近三十年，中国社会的结构发生了巨大变化。众所周知，首先是以城乡与地区为基础的贫富差距。可以想像，一部分人有更高的物质基础和教育水准，掌握更多的文化资源，另一部分人尚在农村，在这方面可能还很落后。经济收入差别不断加剧的情况下，文化趣味的差别可能也在加大。

春晚众口难调的问题将越来越严重。

　　文章指出，在社会不断分化的今天，让一个年轻的西南大城市的大学生、一个南方沿海城市的商人，一个东北大城市的国有企业工人，一个内陆地区的农民，一起坐下来看同一台演出而都感觉好，几乎是不可能的事。

春晚伴随着改革开放的历史而成长。上世纪80年代的春晚，文艺作品的形式和内容还是和生活比较接近的。我不完全严谨地推断一下:改革前，经济、文化上，中国的社会比现在都要更加同质，也就是人和人的区别相比之下更小。当时，中国离开旧的体制，走向新的体制，所有的人一下子都面临着类似的转变、冲突、挑战，都有类似的迷茫、困惑、激情、理想。

　　在这样一个相对同质的社会里，也许搞一台大家都能喜欢的晚会难度会更小。改革三十年后，社会分化严重，不同人过着非常不一样的生活，面临不一样的机遇、困难，挑战，未来，且不同社会群体间彼此可能还有不小的隔阂和冲突，自然的，搞一个能满足这么多口味的晚会就更难了。

　　文章说，早几十年，中国都是一个有浓厚意识形态色彩的国家。什么都要泛政治化。政治在人们的生活中无处不在。歌颂领导，宣扬口号，是为生活的常态。

　　改革三十年来，这一现象发生了变化。现代都市人，越来越“世俗”。一方面对老一套的理论与政治说教不感兴趣，另一方面对仍然是老一套的宣传手段以及泛政治化的形式感到抵触，意识形态和政治在日常生活中扮演着越来越弱的角色。

　　人们越趋于物质主义、消费主义，对政治则越感到淡漠、犬儒。这恐怕是改革开放市场化的中国的现实。加之对外开放及全球化使资讯开放，与国外的交流不断增加，使人们的视野更加广阔，选择更加丰富，并开始接受一些不一样的价值观念。

　　文章认为，在这样的情况下，春晚要完成政治任务，传播政治资讯。而这种目前仍然在沿用的政治宣传手段只会使它失去更多的年轻观众。年轻人想看的是实实在在有趣的娱乐节目，而不是来上政治思想课。依我看，这种政治化的形式，和市场化、商业化的需求，是存在严重冲突的。

随着社会的发展，物质和文化资源更丰富了，人们可以选择干很多事。选择多得很。过去选择少，人们没什么事干，就看春晚，现在选择多了，自然春晚的竞争力就下降了。此外，春晚的节目形式单一，缺乏新意，人们也逐渐厌倦。如果要赢得更多的年轻观众，春晚必须走创新的道路。

　　总而言之，春晚日益引人不满，是因为中国的社会比原来更复杂了。贫富悬殊，地区与城乡间的社会分层与隔阂严重，在我看来，是一个结构性的问题。其次就是现代消费型文化生活的引入，改变了人民的观念与趣味。带着政治宣传功能，保守地拘泥于旧有形式的春晚竞争力在来自多方的挑战下不断下降。

　　在这样的形式下，众口难调的问题将越来越严重。恐怕不是哪个导演能解决的。

　　文章问到：央视的全国人民看一台的春晚，究竟有什么好？有人可能会说，它创造了一个机会，让全国人民走到一起，做同样一件事，看同一台节目，可以增进互相的了解，扩大自己的视野。中央台的春晚很能反映中国社会的面貌。全国一台的春晚有利于促进社会融合、相互理解、和谐。

　　此言有理，但在这个时代我们已不可能强制观众观看央视春晚。观众随便换个台就可以不看你的晚会。这是一个市场经济的时代。这是一个资讯时代。这是一个越发个人主义的时代。我认为，除夕的娱乐就要商业化、市场化。

　　要拥抱一个新的娱乐时代。庆祝除夕夜的方式将是多元化的(形式、面向群体、格调、内容)，地方化的（或者说，去中心化的decentralized），满足不同社会群体与个人的需求的。让市场来解决一切，按照简单的供需来完成资源配置。

　　在巨变的当代中国，全国大一统的中央电视台一套节目的春节晚会，大概是一定要走向衰落的。

过年没有年气

2007-02-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

一年又一年，转眼四年春节没有回国过年了。 I can't say that I "miss" seeing my parents or relatives. It's a different kind of feeling that emanates from something I don't want to call "love." It may be more about filial/familial duty or using the Chinese phrase "亲情." I feel emotionally obligated to go celebrate the New Year with them, and I feel bad that I've failed to do it for four years in a row. But spending the Lunar New Year with them had always been rather boring. I can't help but say that. It is the truth.

真的很想念大学时的哥们儿和姐们儿了。打电话给Dido, 好像混的不错。京味又浓了许多，啥时候我的粤语才能说的和他国语一样好？阿可还是那么温柔，善于倾听，就是成熟了许多，我都有些吃惊，不知道是不是开始留胡子了。小乖（穿走光大裤衩儿睡我对过的那哥们）还是那样乐观向上，虽然也饱受相思之苦。老头说话还是不紧不慢，不过好像经历了更多岁月的沧桑。Rose一过年就找不着，年年如此，不知道忙啥，应该严正批评。

大学毕业以后就没有交上过可以成天“你丫我丫”的哥们儿了。一想起来就有一股末名的哀伤，就像我的生活没有move on一样。不知道大家都move on with your life了没有？

突然想起了那张在后海喝茶的照片，充满了阳光，总是给我灿烂的回忆。不知道大家有没有都保存着。小乖肯定有的。现在Candie的摄影技术有了突飞猛进的提高，装备也上了一个台阶（cannon rebel），以后跟小乖就有一拼了。

祝大家猪年快乐吧！

Post-Katrina New Orleans: A Synopsis of US Urban Problems

2007-02-16T12:30:00.000-08:00

I believe there has been no greater irony of the "affluent society" than the flood-ravaged New Orleans. People may be equal before nature, but their ability to avert disasters varies according to their income, which, in the US, is inevitably intertwined with race. The white and affluent fled, and the poor and (disproportionately) black were stranded. In that overcrowded and steamy stadium, which was used as a temporary shelter for Katrina victims,you see the face of the urban black America, literally. And I hope that image has not been completely erased by the sentimental news of community rebuilding and common ground. Rebuilding is a good thing, except that sentimentalism doesn't cover up the racial-social problems that has persisted in American society and that was exposed and magnified by Katrina.

A video report in NY Times a couple of days ago talked about how New Orleansians are fighting back the post-storm trauma with good humor (Commercial ads like that "New Orleans has never been dry."). Today's issue of NY Times tells a more somber story about some New Orleansians(mostly professionals) giving up hope and moving out of the city, leaving it to crimes and the poor (and black) . http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/16/us/nationalspecial/16orleans.html
It says that professionals (meaning mostly white and rich with higher education and more skills) have more financial resources and thus greater mobility than the poor (black and minority) urban dwellers, who have few other alternative but to come back and settle down. See for yourself in the two pictures posted in the article (whites moving out, blacks moving in). It also suggests that "brain drain" had been there in pre-Katrina New Orleans, and Katrina was only there to fast-forward the process.

Open an American history textbooks, you see racial progress, from slavery to abolition, from Jim Crow to dissegregation and racial reconciliation. And it gives you a soothing feeling. But look at the post-Katrina New Orleans, past and present. The harsh reality is that America remains (or is increasingly becoming) segregated socially and economically. The efforts of a generation of black civil rights activists have helped African Americans win political equality in the 60s, but since then, has lost its momentum. I don't know how much difference the election of a black or woman president will make to the country as a whole, except that it may be used as a showcase to the world that America has achieved total racial/sexual equality. Even though I support Obama heartily, I know his candidacy is built upon the efforts of the Martin Luther King generation, not ours. There's more that we need to look into and more to do for ourselves. In this respect, the page of New Orleans has been turned over a little too rashly.

web banner

2006-09-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

camera story- my two years in the US

2006-09-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

The very first day at Ithaca College, Sake lost her camera!

She was walking around the campus, taking pictures at the fountain and so on, and she even ate at the campus center dining hall, which would be, to her surprise, the one and only time in her 1.5 years' life in IC. Then of course she went to Park school to see what she would be seeing everyday from then on. She sat at the 3rd floor hallway, where there is a brilliant sky-light. She sat in the brilliant autumn sun for a while and then walked out of the building.

Then Sake is no longer holding her camera.

She looked at everywhere she went that day and couldn't find it. The next day someone asked her to try Public Safety, giv'em a call. She did.

And the camera was there!

This is Sake in front of Public Safety right after she got the camera back.

The date was Wednesday, Aug 25th, 2004, Sake's fifth day in Ithaca and seventh day in the United States.
I gave this pic to Kosi for her book. It was a brilliant book that she put together, with stories of US.
On a snowy day in Feburary 2006, I received a copy of "The Book". And there I was, looking totally green and puzzled, while the one who's looking at the picture had officially been an IC alum for over two months then.

Time flies...

The 19th of last month was my two-year anniversary of landing in the US. I did not write anything on that day. As you can tell, Sake's emotional response is always lagging years behind.
However there's always catharsis lying somewhere in your life, and I stepped on one today.

She's the one who picked up my camera and brought it to Public Safety!
embed src="http://www.ithaca.edu/rhp/portfolio/p19/antigua.mov" type="application/quicktime" height="350" width="480"

I never met Janice before, despite that I passed her office several times trying to catch her and say thank you. She doesn't appear in Park school very often, nor do graduate students. I'm just really glad

Uwajimaya_food_frenzy

2006-08-09T01:02:00.000-07:00

Xis_commencement_and_Yale_trip

2006-06-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

Four BFSU alumni

Robbed Xi's cap and gown, and borrowed the history Dept. My diploma is real, though!!

Because of someone's bad photo taking skill, we are seeing a pair of sneakers on the feet of this lady proudly holding her Master's diploma...

I like this rare book library best. Looks like no window at all, but there are windows all over it!
Tower of the old Yale campus. It's freshmen's dorm!!

Three Man'tou

Crash, 一部主旋律片

2006-05-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

昨天晚上看了CD1，觉得真是部冷漠无情的好片，今天看了剩下的CD2，就觉得有些不是滋味。看来奥斯卡上Brokeback输给Crash其实是必然的，因为Crash标准的符合着评委们苦苦寻觅的“中心思想”。
从影片套路上讲，Paul Haggis 几乎成了马克思主义文学家：典型的Thesis - Antithesis - Synthesis 模式。当看到小女孩被Farhad枪击却毫发无损时（后来知道原来老头忘了装子弹），偶觉得影片开始走下坡路了，因为Synthesis的部分开始了。接下来就有了一连串良心发现的好事，而它传达的是偶最讨厌的中学政治课那一套“道路是曲折的，前途是光明的”，翻译成美国人那一套就是“现实是黑暗的，但希望的天使无处不在（God bless America)”。 9.11之后一段时间媒体天天念叨的，不就是God bless America的旋律吗？
片中对亚洲人的representation也令我很不满。且不说误导观众，让人以为那个八婆和她的人贩子老公是中国人（其实好像是韩国人，如果偶弄错了，欢迎指正）。那把挂了玉佩的车钥匙是最irritating的。在美国与少数族裔交流，最忌讳的是对整个人群做generalization, 以偏概全（比如认为阿拉伯男人都有不止一个老婆）。可Crash偏偏要用玉佩来做代号，以此迎合美国人对中国人的stereotype。把这个代号放在那个人贩子被撞的场景里显得非常生硬。在“砰”一声后，画面里只剩一把普通钥匙在车门上摇晃已经足以说明人被撞了，而且紧接着Anthony 和Peter就会下车并且说“Oh my God, we ran over a Chinaman"。干嘛还要用一个玉挂来增强观众对东亚人群的stereotyping呢？你又确实见过几个中国人在车钥匙上挂一长串玉石呢？
总之今儿个是见识到了米国的主旋律题材作品。我比较喜欢的是片中的音乐，有点象天主教的圣歌，把影片前半部悲凉而混乱的气氛调和得很大气，且让观众觉得自己跟片中人一样可悲又白痴。

Perhaps, Love

2006-02-14T09:20:00.000-08:00

关于回忆和重逢的电影看过无数，陈可辛这部《如果，爱》最能钩起我在心灵深处对北京那段日子的感受。

尽管北京上海的场景在歌舞剧效果下艺术得很不真实，尽管我不相信90年代初的北京会有象林见东那样的香港学生，尽管整部电影无处不告诉我这又是近年来香港人北上热潮的一个文化符号，我还是感动了。因为，他们第一次见面的拉面店很赃，因为，林见东宿舍的床跟北外是一样的还挂着布帘，因为，魏公村附近总能看见那样阴郁的地下室的窗户，因为，林见东总能在结冰的昆玉河边（上）找到老孙，因为，说到底，我永远是那个来自南方的小资的折腾个没完的北京学生。

你不知道我有多爱那条河，在缺水的北京。夏天我不常去那里，因为有太多人，钓鱼的，打拳的，谈恋爱的，还有和我一样小资的学生们，还有游船。而冬天，当整个世界只剩冰冷的河水与我相对无言时，她会给我一种力量，一种把眼泪和愤怒冻结，让心归于平静的力量。于是我觉得象伤口刚上了药膏又结结实实的包扎好了，疲倦得很舒服。

我不知道是冬天的河吸引我 “离校出走”还是因为我“离校出走”无处可去才会想到去河边。反正我就有这么个一生气就离校出走的习惯，确切的说，是离校“暴走”，而且往往在零度以下的晚上。有一次我都快走到颐和园了，因为大狗一直推着单车跟着我不让我去河边。最后我还是拗过了他。那天晚上我们在河边坐到3点，坐到我终于觉得很对不住他，但是河还没有医好我的伤。后来我把大狗送回了宿舍，对他说我们都回去睡觉吧，然后自己一个人在英语系地下室的楼梯上坐到6点。并不是每次暴走都是因为生大狗的气，我们的问题引起吵架的时候，我在校园里就足以整他了。每次去河边，都是因为无法摆平自己，无法停止对自己处境的绝望和愤怒。

老孙和林见东先后跟对方说， “最爱你的人，只有你自己“。我是认同这句话的。爱自己没有办法通过爱一个人来实现，因为爱一个人越深，对自己对对方的愤怒就来得越猛烈，就越容易自残。那个晚上之后，左边膝盖每次爬山都会痛，但我并没有一点后悔自己折腾得太过火，反而觉得是个另类的纪念。比如说2003年跟同事一瘸一拐的爬泰山时，因为腿痛，便时不时想起大狗在米国啃书，还觉得那段疯狂的回忆很甜蜜。如果哪一天我失恋了，一定会怪那时太不爱惜自己，做一副枷锁给自己套着，爬山时就会恨死大狗。

回到电影的话题。

我不知道周迅是怎么知道神经兮兮的我喜欢大冬天可怜巴巴的被找到的感觉的。看来神经兮兮的不只我一个。只是苦了林见东这样的男朋友，因为神经兮兮的周迅们虽然希望被找到，但是绝不会每次跑到同一条河上躺在同一块冰上，让他百发百中的找。有道是，人不会两次踏进同一条河流啊。

昨天晚上看完电影，我们都觉得不错，回忆够温馨够小资，又有足够的瑕疵让我们评头论足。今天早上醒来我却哭了，因为我想起了前面写下的那些事，还有前面没有写的一个场面。

当林见东在手机里说“老孙，我走了，不要忘记北京”，我觉得他好像说了一句我在某个时刻很想说的话。今天早上我想起，那一定是我离开北京的那个傍晚，在西客站。我上车后大狗哭了，我从没见过他哭得那么伤心，不停的擦着眼睛，背过身去，在拥挤开阔的月台上仿佛要找个地方躲起来。每次想到这一幕我都会哭，虽然我们现在好好的在一起。我想我们当时一定都默默的对彼此对自己都说了这句话。我们流泪，不是因为要离开对方一年，两年甚至三年，而是因为要永远离开北京的那个人，疯狂的，炽烈的，真切的，神经兮兮的，那个从踏上火车的一刻就再也回不来的人。

2003年的7月，我们都永远离开了北京，尽管大多数人依旧生活在这座城市中。我们所能做的，只有彼此提醒着，不要忘记北京，因为那是只属于你的城市。

as sensitive as a toilet seat

2006-02-05T10:45:00.000-08:00

I am reading Catcher in the Rye for a second time. The first time was in Junior year, for American Lit. class. I have to admit that you need to be in America to appreciate the novel. The first time I read it I thought it was holy literati nonsense, trying to be cool and rebelious, and there was not even a plot. This time, however, since a lot of the cultural elements and living scenarios (esp. those in New York) are making a lot of sense to me (see, I didn't spend 1.5 years in this country like an idiot), it kills me... I mean, the novel.

I love the way Holden Caulfield bitches about people. He's certainly sarcastic and cynical, but not too much so. He's just marvelously penetrating, without the usual twists and hidden references and symbolism of cynicist novels. Say, when he talks about Sally Hayes, about how it took him a long time to find out she was stupid, he said the reason "was because she knew quite a lot about the theater and plays and literature and all that stuff. If somebody knows quite a lot about those things, it takes you quite a while to find out whether they are really stupid or not."

Yeay! you see how I hate myself and all the other literature and arts people altogether. What we are so fond of, what many people are doing for life, is actually only some props, masks, a disguise of our stupidity, a nice package to market the cheap soul underneath. Salinger was mocking people like me as well as himself, but he didn't do it in a way to make it daunting and depressing. He tells you, hey here's a little "secret" both you and I already know. I know you would never say it, so let me say it out.

I also love the way he feel sad about things seemingly out of no reason.
In the beginning chapter, when Holden was ready to be kicked out of Pencey school. He said when he leaves a place he wants to know he's leaving it. If he doesn't, he feels even worse. It's a beautiful remark. The author never explain these remarks, which makes them even more beautiful. These seemingly simply and not-to-the-point descriptions of Holden's feelings always end up hitting right on the target in me, because they are the more realist simulations of how my own emotions develop.

My discovery this time also include something about the American society, about how it seems to be static in the following over 50 years after the novel was written. The New York City night life described in the novel hasn't changed much, to my knowledge and experience. And we still hear all those superficial ideas today about Hollywood and so on. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

baby tired

2006-01-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

Buying/selling a car is a process of making friends, Honda Civic $1700

2005-11-04T15:20:00.000-08:00

Facts:
93 Honda Civic LX, blue
4 door sedan
Automatic
Mileage:117,000 (very moderate for her age)
4-Cyl. 1.5 Liter, FWD
Airbags
Power steering, power window & power lock
Tilt wheel
Cruise control
Cassette & radio
back window defroster
All-season tires
comes with snow tools
clean history

Merits:
Extremely reliable.
(driven to Rochester,AmherstMA,Philly,NYC,south end of NJ;
never stuck on the road, never let me down)
Extremely gas-saving,41mpg on highway.
(less than 10 bucks a week,driven everyday)
Changed many new parts in the past 6 months.
(water pump,timing belts,two front axles,exhaust pipe,windshield wipers)
Regularly maintained. I have complete service records of past 3 years

Defacts:
Cosmetic
(some rust around rear wheels, scratches on the driver's door, some varnish peeling off)
Muffler was broken a month ago

KBB private party fair condition:$2,155, asking $1700,negotiable

Buying/selling a car is a process of making friends. If that's what you think, the car will like you ;)

2005-09-06T22:40:00.000-07:00

cat for my signature

2005-06-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

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