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camera story- my two years in the US

The very first day at Ithaca College, Sake lost her camera!

She was walking around the campus, taking pictures at the fountain and so on, and she even ate at the campus center dining hall, which would be, to her surprise, the one and only time in her 1.5 years' life in IC. Then of course she went to Park school to see what she would be seeing everyday from then on. She sat at the 3rd floor hallway, where there is a brilliant sky-light. She sat in the brilliant autumn sun for a while and then walked out of the building.

Then Sake is no longer holding her camera.

She looked at everywhere she went that day and couldn't find it. The next day someone asked her to try Public Safety, giv'em a call. She did.

And the camera was there!

This is Sake in front of Public Safety right after she got the camera back.

The date was Wednesday, Aug 25th, 2004, Sake's fifth day in Ithaca and seventh day in the United States.
I gave this pic to Kosi for her book. It was a brilliant book that she put together, with stories of US.
On a snowy day in Feburary 2006, I received a copy of "The Book". And there I was, looking totally green and puzzled, while the one who's looking at the picture had officially been an IC alum for over two months then.

Time flies...

The 19th of last month was my two-year anniversary of landing in the US. I did not write anything on that day. As you can tell, Sake's emotional response is always lagging years behind.
However there's always catharsis lying somewhere in your life, and I stepped on one today.

She's the one who picked up my camera and brought it to Public Safety!
embed src="http://www.ithaca.edu/rhp/portfolio/p19/antigua.mov" type="application/quicktime" height="350" width="480"

I never met Janice before, despite that I passed her office several times trying to catch her and say thank you. She doesn't appear in Park school very often, nor do graduate students. I'm just really glad

Uwajimaya_food_frenzy

Xis_commencement_and_Yale_trip

Four BFSU alumni

Robbed Xi's cap and gown, and borrowed the history Dept. My diploma is real, though!!

Because of someone's bad photo taking skill, we are seeing a pair of sneakers on the feet of this lady proudly holding her Master's diploma...

I like this rare book library best. Looks like no window at all, but there are windows all over it!
Tower of the old Yale campus. It's freshmen's dorm!!

Three Man'tou

Crash, 一部主旋律片

昨天晚上看了CD1，觉得真是部冷漠无情的好片，今天看了剩下的CD2，就觉得有些不是滋味。看来奥斯卡上Brokeback输给Crash其实是必然的，因为Crash标准的符合着评委们苦苦寻觅的“中心思想”。
从影片套路上讲，Paul Haggis 几乎成了马克思主义文学家：典型的Thesis - Antithesis - Synthesis 模式。当看到小女孩被Farhad枪击却毫发无损时（后来知道原来老头忘了装子弹），偶觉得影片开始走下坡路了，因为Synthesis的部分开始了。接下来就有了一连串良心发现的好事，而它传达的是偶最讨厌的中学政治课那一套“道路是曲折的，前途是光明的”，翻译成美国人那一套就是“现实是黑暗的，但希望的天使无处不在 （God bless America)”。 9.11之后一段时间媒体天天念叨的，不就是God bless America的旋律吗？
片中对亚洲人的representation也令我很不满。且不说误导观众，让人以为那个八婆和她的人贩子老公是中国人（其实好像是韩国人，如果偶弄错了，欢迎指正）。那把挂了玉佩的车钥匙是最irritating的。在美国与少数族裔交流，最忌讳的是对整个人群做generalization, 以偏概全（比如认为阿拉伯男人都有不止一个老婆）。可Crash偏偏要用玉佩来做代号，以此迎合美国人对中国人的stereotype。把这个代号放在那个人贩子被撞的场景里显得非常生硬。在“砰”一声后，画面里只剩一把普通钥匙在车门上摇晃已经足以说明人被撞了，而且紧接着Anthony 和Peter就会下车并且说“Oh my God, we ran over a Chinaman"。干嘛还要用一个玉挂来增强观众对东亚人群的stereotyping呢？你又确实见过几个中国人在车钥匙上挂一长串玉石呢？
总之今儿个是见识到了米国的主旋律题材作品。我比较喜欢的是片中的音乐，有点象天主教的圣歌，把影片前半部悲凉而混乱的气氛调和得很大气，且让观众觉得自己跟片中人一样可悲又白痴。

Perhaps, Love

关于回忆和重逢的电影看过无数，陈可辛这部《如果，爱》最能钩起我在心灵深处对北京那段日子的感受。

尽管北京上海的场景在歌舞剧 效果下艺术得很不真实，尽管我不相信90年代初的北京会有象林见东那样的香港学生，尽管整部电影无处不告诉我这又是近年来香港人北上热潮的一个文化符号， 我还是感动了。因为，他们第一次见面的拉面店很赃，因为，林见东宿舍的床跟北外是一样的还挂着布帘，因为，魏公村附近总能看见那样阴郁的地下室的窗户， 因为，林见东总能在结冰的昆玉河边（上）找到老孙， 因为，说到底，我永远是那个来自南方的小资的折腾个没完的北京学生。

你不知道我有多爱那条河，在 缺水的北京。夏天我不常去那里，因为有太多人，钓鱼的，打拳的，谈恋爱的，还有和我一样小资的学生们，还有游船。而冬天，当整个世界只剩冰冷的河水与我相 对无言时，她会给我一种力量，一种把眼泪和愤怒冻结，让心归于平静的力量。于是我觉得象伤口刚上了药膏又结结实实的包扎好了，疲倦得很舒服。

我不知道是冬天的河吸引我 “离校出走”还是因为我“离校出走”无处可去才会想到去河边。反正我就有这么个一生气就离校出走的习惯，确切的说，是离校“暴走”，而且往往在零度以下的 晚上。有一次我都快走到颐和园了，因为大狗一直推着单车跟着我不让我去河边。最后我还是拗过了他。那天晚上我们在河边坐到3点，坐到我终于觉得很对不住 他，但是河还没有医好我的伤。后来我把大狗送回了宿舍，对他说我们都回去睡觉吧，然后自己一个人在英语系地下室的楼梯上坐到6点。并不是每次暴走都是因为 生大狗的气，我们的问题引起吵架的时候，我在校园里就足以整他了。每次去河边，都是因为无法摆平自己，无法停止对自己处境的绝望和愤怒。

老孙和林见东先后跟对方说， “最爱你的人，只有你自己“。我是认同这句话的。爱自己没有办法通过爱一个人来实现，因为爱一个人越深，对自己对对方的愤怒就来得越猛烈，就越容易自残。 那个晚上之后，左边膝盖每次爬山都会痛，但我并没有一点后悔自己折腾得太过火，反而觉得是个另类的纪念。比如说2003年跟同事一瘸一拐的爬泰山时，因为 腿痛，便时不时想起大狗在米国啃书，还觉得那段疯狂的回忆很甜蜜。如果哪一天我失恋了，一定会怪那时太不爱惜自己，做一副枷锁给自己套着，爬山时就会恨死 大狗。

回到电影的话题。

我不知道周迅是怎么知道神经兮兮的我喜欢大冬天可怜巴巴的被找到的感觉 的。看来神经兮兮的不只我一个。只是苦了林见东这样的男朋友，因为神经兮兮的周迅们虽然希望被找到，但是绝不会每次跑到同一条河上躺在同一块冰上，让他百 发百中的找。有道是，人不会两次踏进同一条河流啊。

昨天晚上看完电影，我们都觉得不错，回忆够温馨够小资，又有足够的瑕疵让我们评头论足。今天早上醒来我却哭了，因为我想起了前面写下的那些事，还有前面没有写的一个场面。

当林见东在手机里说“老孙，我走了，不要忘记北京”，我觉得他好像说了 一句我在某个时刻很想说的话。今天早上我想起，那一定是我离开北京的那个傍晚，在西客站。我上车后大狗哭了，我从没见过他哭得那么伤心，不停的擦着眼睛， 背过身去，在拥挤开阔的月台上仿佛要找个地方躲起来。每次想到这一幕我都会哭，虽然我们现在好好的在一起。我想我们当时一定都默默的对彼此对自己都说了这 句话。我们流泪，不是因为要离开对方一年，两年甚至三年，而是因为要永远离开北京的那个人，疯狂的，炽烈的，真切的，神经兮兮的，那个从踏上火车的一刻就 再也回不来的人。

2003年的7月，我们都永远离开了北京，尽管大多数人依旧生活在这座城市中。我们所能做的，只有彼此提醒着，不要忘记北京，因为那是只属于你的城市。

as sensitive as a toilet seat

I am reading Catcher in the Rye for a second time. The first time was in Junior year, for American Lit. class. I have to admit that you need to be in America to appreciate the novel. The first time I read it I thought it was holy literati nonsense, trying to be cool and rebelious, and there was not even a plot. This time, however, since a lot of the cultural elements and living scenarios (esp. those in New York) are making a lot of sense to me (see, I didn't spend 1.5 years in this country like an idiot), it kills me... I mean, the novel.

I love the way Holden Caulfield bitches about people. He's certainly sarcastic and cynical, but not too much so. He's just marvelously penetrating, without the usual twists and hidden references and symbolism of cynicist novels. Say, when he talks about Sally Hayes, about how it took him a long time to find out she was stupid, he said the reason "was because she knew quite a lot about the theater and plays and literature and all that stuff. If somebody knows quite a lot about those things, it takes you quite a while to find out whether they are really stupid or not."

Yeay! you see how I hate myself and all the other literature and arts people altogether. What we are so fond of, what many people are doing for life, is actually only some props, masks, a disguise of our stupidity, a nice package to market the cheap soul underneath. Salinger was mocking people like me as well as himself, but he didn't do it in a way to make it daunting and depressing. He tells you, hey here's a little "secret" both you and I already know. I know you would never say it, so let me say it out.

I also love the way he feel sad about things seemingly out of no reason.
In the beginning chapter, when Holden was ready to be kicked out of Pencey school. He said when he leaves a place he wants to know he's leaving it. If he doesn't, he feels even worse. It's a beautiful remark. The author never explain these remarks, which makes them even more beautiful. These seemingly simply and not-to-the-point descriptions of Holden's feelings always end up hitting right on the target in me, because they are the more realist simulations of how my own emotions develop.

My discovery this time also include something about the American society, about how it seems to be static in the following over 50 years after the novel was written. The New York City night life described in the novel hasn't changed much, to my knowledge and experience. And we still hear all those superficial ideas today about Hollywood and so on. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

baby tired